run down

I'm beyond tired right now. Tech Sunday is always exhausting, I was expecting that. It actually went fast yesterday and I was home after only 9-1/2 hours at the Beck. Today was killer.

I always get to work at least 15 minutes early - today I was 25 minutes early. I clocked in and started my kitchen set up... After only 5 minutes, I got slammed with 3 tables and it didn't stop until I was able to walk out at 4. I was exhausted. Don't people cook out on Memorial Day anymore? When did that change? I thought that downtown would be dead, but instead I had over $650 in sales... good news is I walked with $140. Pretty much unheard of for a Monday lunch.

Then comes the Beck. I got there at 6:30 (again, 1/2 hour early). We didn't start our run-through until 8 or so. Just before Ahab's death, the director (being the fabulous understanding person he is) let us go at 11:30. I just keep thinking that I should go to bed, but I know myself too well. Probably around 2 I'll mosey into the bedroom.

Yes, I understand that this is a completely meaningless post and no one really cares. Point taken.

music

"A verbal art like poetry is reflective. It stops to think. Music is immediate, it goes on to become." - W.H. Auden

Whenever I feel like my mind needs a reset button, I sit down and play piano. I'm not the most brilliant pianist in the world, but I love to play. There's something so relaxing about just losing yourself in the notes. When I was a kid, I hated practicing. My mom would force me to sit for the 1/2 hour a day that my piano teacher insisted on. It wasn't until college that I fell in love with my piano. There were times I would lock myself in the music department overnight and just play. I'd play anything. Of course, being a piano minor made the 1/2 hour a day rehearsal time as a kid feel like the blink of an eye. If I wasn't rehearsing for a show, 4 hours was my minimum per night.

I'm not as good as I used to be, but I still love it. Not that it's easy having a Dalmatian sitting on my feet as I try to peddle, but I make do. The good thing is my brother and I both have our own pianos at our house. Wonderful Clavinovas with very very good headphones so we don't have to fight over whose mind needs the reset more.

procrastination

I am such a procrastinator. Today I'm sitting at my computer when I should be doing errands, laundry and studying my lines for Moby Dick... which opens in a week and a half. Instead, I keep looking at my indoor/outdoor thermometer. It says it's 53 outside, but looking out the window it looks colder. Rainy. Hello, Cleveland? What the f#@*?

At least I put my socks on in the past half hour. Maybe I'll put my shoes on soon. Then I'll work my way up to getting my keys.

I gave away my shift at work today. Many reasons: I don't like working on Tuesdays because the Manager is an annoying 21-year old who acts like he's five (last week, he actually gave me my tip-out by hitting me in the face with my money. Nice.), I wanted to go out and get crazy last night (check. but I left the bar with more money than I came there with. I love gambling) and the third reason, I won't go into. It's a little spiteful. ;)

I need money, I admit it. Probably should be at work today. But I worked all day Sunday followed by rehearsal Sunday night. I have rehearsal every night this week and work every day. I just wanted a half-second for myself.

So I'm selfish and a procrastinator. Oh well. I guess it could be worse.

my list

I will never understand my attraction to certain men. Ever since I was a kid, I always liked the ones that no one else did. I had amazing childhood crushes on Dick Van Dyke (I know, I know) and Paul Newman. My latest fascination is with Hugh Laurie (http://www.hughlaurie.co.uk/). I can't explain it.

Since my friend Elizabeth and I talk about "our lists" often, I decided to post my here for our own amusement. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's the list of celebrities you would do without a moment's hesitation.

Okay. So in no particular order*:

Johnny Depp (isn't he on everyones?)
Orlando Bloom
Edward Norton
Christopher Guest
John Cusack
Billy Crudup
Michael Palin (after all these years. yes, still)
Chris Cornell
Bruce Campbell
Ewan McGregor Trey Parker. Because I've been listening to the Cannibal: The Musical commentary

*this list is subject to change based on my mood that day. ;)

ultimatum

I'm wearied of wearing love, my friend
Of worry and strain and doubt,
Before we begin, let us view the end,
And maybe I'll do without.

There's never the pang that was worth the tear,
And toss in the night I won't --
So either you do or you don't, my dear,
Either you do or you don't!

The table is ready, so lay your cards
And if they should augur pain,
I'll tender you ever my kind regards
And run for the fastest train.

I haven't the will to be spent or sad;
My heart's to be gay and true --
Then either you don't or you do, my lad.
Either you don't or you do!

DOROTHY PARKER

those people

Why are there those sort of people? You know, the people who work themselves into your life and take it over when you're not looking. There are two things that bother me here: 1. I don't want anyone to take over my life. I don't think anyone really does (well, there are the weak-willed saps, but that's another topic). 2. I don't like these people. I'm not attracted to these people. Honestly, I don't want to have anything to do with them. When does the time come when you can stop them and say "leave me alone?"

Ah, but it gets tricky. These people want into your life so badly, that they will do things for you that your closest friends won't even think of. They insist on calling, taking you out, making it about you. Okay, that feels nice. But at the same time, ...eh. Don't know. I think the problem comes when you want to free yourself from them, but they show up where you are or do the pop-in (ew) and you're too nice to say that you don't want it anymore. They care about you so much (in their own twisted way) that you don't want to be the bad guy. How long can you possibly let this go on?

are we talking metaphorically here?

I was trying to decide whether to make this a heady post or not. I thought I should just go ahead and get it out of the way...

There are times in a person's life, where you have to sit back and say, "huh? how the hell did I get here?" Well, I'm going through one of those times. When I was younger, I thought that by the time I was 30, I would be completely settled down -- husband, kids, dog -- all the good stuff. So I'm 31. I have a dog. It's not that I'm unhappy with my life, but I occasionally stop and wonder what it would have been like if didn't move to New York, but had married my college sweetheart.

I would still be living in West Virginia. Couple of kids, house, dog, husband. But I wouldn't be me. I know this isn't some amazing revelation, but I'm a completely different person than I was 10 years ago at this time. (God. It's been 10 years since I moved to New York.) I'm happy with me and what I'm doing. As for where I'm going? I have no idea.

first post!

I'm now no longer a blog virgin.