The mind does weird things to a person. Mine won't leave me alone lately. When I'm awake, the stupid ideas pop into my head: "Hey, that seems like a reasonable idea..." When I'm asleep it attacks me in my dreams. Just when you think you're lying down for a nice rest, Bam! There come the same ideas this time. Only they're in pretty pictures that don't make any sense. Sometimes, my dreams are so real that I wake up feeling happy and content with life. A few minutes later reality sets back in.
Is this because I won't forgive myself for my past actions, or it is my psyche telling me that more needs to be done? I don't know what else I can do to clear my conscience.
I'm starting to believe that I'm regressing. When I was around 22, I did some stupid, stupid things. Things that people closest to me don't even know about. When I look back at my actions in the past few months, I see those patterns returning. What in the hell was I thinking? Did I think that I could get away with these things and my karma was going to be clean? Granted, most things I didn't do. I started to and caught myself. Still, I wonder about myself and my mental state.
Yes, I'm still a good person. No, I haven't done anything as bad as when I was 22. No, I'm not crazy. Everyone goes through this, right?
I want to have a dream come true without sacrificing myself in the process.
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