oh, marilyn

You're Amanda from Let's Make Love. You love to
sing and act, but also take classes to educate
yourself. You don't care about money, in fact,
you are appalled by rich people who don't help
others.


Which Marilyn Monroe Are You? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

blogger is all about quizzes

Your Musical Tastes Match: Weird Al

See his whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Actually spot-on.

is this what this blog has turned into?

You're an Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

i'm so cool

Cheese Pizza

Traditional and comforting. You focus on living a quality life. You're not easily impressed with novelty. Yet, you easily impress others.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

i think

I have the feeling sometimes that I'm a bad person for the thoughts that flow through my head. Not just thoughts, but obsessions. I almost want to grab some popcorn and sit back and watch the ending. I just hope it's a happy ending. I hate those "real" hollywood movies.

In other news, I'm addicted to myspace. Please help me.

if you have to ask you'll never know

funky motherfuckers will not be told to go... sorry. I have the Chili Peppers in my head and they won't leave.

I think I need electroshock therapy. Maybe that can help my brain and it's crazy thoughts.

rodents

The thunder tonight is just amazing and the lightening is making 1 in the morning look like sunrise. Unfortunately, in the light of the storm, I saw a mouse. Say it with me people: eek. This happens every year around this time in my house. Thank goodness I live with my brother who's not afraid to "take care" of the "situation." Last fall he tried to be Franciscan with them and it didn't work, so he started killing them off. We had a whole family in our apartment. I just saw one tonight, so maybe we can knock 'em out before they get the chance to procreate. The bastards.

Drinks with the Beehive clan tonight... I just don't have any words to say how much I love my friends. When we did Beehive last summer, we were all starting to get to know each other, our quirks, our sense of humor. Now it's like a huge party when 2 or more are together. When we do Beehive 2.0 (as I lovingly call it) in March-April of next year, it's going to be out of control. We're all such good friends now that it's going to make the dynamic of the show explosive. We learned tonight that there are a bevy of Cleveland actresses lining up to play our parts if one should drop out. Not the black girl parts, just the weak little white girls (yeah... like any of us are weak). So now Ayeshah, Caron and Tonya are going to have to watch out for Laurel, Keli and me to make sure that nobody comes along to Tonya Harding us. ;) Ain't nobody getting my Janis Joplin role, peeps.

really?

Last night I drank a bottle of wine and about 6 beers with dinner and I only have a one star hangover day. Fabulous. This is why my love affair with alcohol continues... My landlord was having an "End of Summer" party last night, so we hopped down to the backyard for a while. Got to see some people I haven't talked to in ages, so that was nice.

Pat, my friend from work, brought his Boxer over (whom I LOVE... sweet doggie) and Annie didn't handle that very well. She tried to attack Tilly twice. After that, they just avoided each other for the rest of the night. I think it was just because Annie knew there was food being cooked and didn't like the idea of another dog in the house competing for said food. Made for a few nice laughs though.

Drinks tonight with the Beehive girls and Kevin. Always a good time. I have the feeling I will have a camper or too staying at my house. Depending on the show, my couch is occupied almost every night by people who don't want to drive home. I think the most I've ever had stay over was 5. The next morning is always fun... waking up hungover people should pay better. ;)

this made me laugh

Hangovers ...

One Star Hangover (*): No pain. No real feeling of
illness. You're able to function relatively well;
however, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas
and still feel this way. For some reason, you are
craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**): No pain, but something is
definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the
mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are
chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which
is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the
3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***): Slight headache. Stomach
feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your
alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be
better right now if you were home in your bed watching
Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of
water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--- yet you haven't
peed once(?).

Four Star Hangover (****): Life sucks. Your head is
throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you
might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for
being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the
fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For
the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on
while riding the Bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one
big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter
is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes
of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****): You have a second
heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. In
fact, you are probably still drunk. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from
brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants
of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability
to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.
You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any
attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like
discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this
'floater'seems to be to splash the toilet water all
over your ass.

Death sounds pretty good about right now!

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

aim is the devil

My brother and I are having a few people over tonight for dinner/drinks/etc. Rather than pick up the house, I've been sitting online chatting on aim and myspace for about 2 hours. How much more useless can I possibly be?

Have to get a move on and clean because The Simpsons come on in 1/2 hour and then I'm going to be even more useless.

Eric... I decided that I will take your advice. I'm sure you'll hear soon how that went. ;)

i hate digital pictures

I've been uploading pictures to Snapfish for - I kid you not - 4 hours. And I'm not done yet. Dial-up sucks.

I just remembered that I have an audition for some commercial tomorrow afternoon and have yet to memorize the script. Oops. Of course, the money would be sweet, but it's filming in Pittsburgh on Monday. Good thing I haven't used any sick days in a few months.

On another note, how many copies of these movies do I really need? Sadly, I'll keep on buying all the versions if they keep putting them out: Evil Dead 2 limited edition 1005...

kiss off

"Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none." - William Shakespeare

Working in a restaurant I eat for free all the time. Today, I just didn't want to look at our food anymore, but something drew me to McDonalds. I don't eat fast food often and I feel a little sick. :(

Not sure why my brain works the way it does. It's doing a lot of funky things to me lately. Not sure that I want the thoughts to stop because they're... well, interesting, but not sure that they're right either. How's that for confusing.

I sat and thought about it today and decided it's been WAY too long since I've had sex. I'm too much of a monogamous person to run out and do something about this, but it's starting to irritate me.

I'm sorry... did I enter the world of too much information?

how far?

I go through these phases in my life where I just want to quit. I'm done trying, done striving, done dealing. Don't be dramatic, I'm not suicidal & never have been, but I just want to know when it gets easier. Also, I'm not stupid. I know I have a decent life... nice house, a car (even if it's a piece of shit, it's mine), a job (same thing... piece of shit, but it's mine). I just would love to know when life will start making sense and become a little easier. When I first moved to Cleveland, I had an amazing life. I was making $70,000 a year, kick-ass apartment downtown, beautiful new car. Because I decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life living in hotels and airports, I'm now a waitress. Ah. Don't know. I think I'm just rambling. I'll still wake up tomorrow and try to see the good in life and in everyone I meet. Otherwise, why am I here? Could be that it's almost 3:30 in the morning and I just need sleep.

Oh, on Cory's request, I updated my Myspace profile, so all that chocolatey-goodness is here: http://www.myspace.com/continuousultimatum

oy

I can't help but think about him. He might be completely wrong for me, but I just can't stop myself. At what point do I let my heart just take over and smack my head around for years of bad decisions? Who knows what might happen in the future, but for right now, it seems right. Now... how to work this whole damn thing. It's not that he's a bad guy -- quite the opposite -- but the situation is a bit sticky.

vegas - 24/7

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Wow. Great, great week. The wedding was absolutely beautiful. The way the sunset hit Red Rock Canyon can only be explained by pictures and my new sister-in-law, another Amy Collier, was even more beautiful. I'll probably have a lot more to write as soon as I can sit down and process the whole week. Let's just say that I never went to bed before 5 am, never work up before noon (with the exception of departing to the airport today) and I lost all my money... but I had a blast doing it. ;)

vegas

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Dynamo Cyborg Your Superpower is Rapping Your Weakness is French People Your Weapon is Your Mind Revolver Your Mode of Transportation is Hydrofoil

What's your Superhero Name?

Off to Vegas this afternoon! Fun and frivolity to ensue...

remembering the day

Four years ago, the sun was shining brightly and the clouds were scarce... just like today. To all of my New York friends who did and did not survive the attacks on 9/11, you're in my prayers.

save cbgb's

(copied from the website... click above to sign the petition)
CBGB is a symbol of raw American energy – for 31 years CBGB has provided a space for new creativity in music and art, a spotlight for young talent, and a unique safe-space to pursue art and free expression. CBs has always kept its prices affordable for all music lovers, evolved to fill the needs of the music and cultural communities of New York City, and jump started the careers of thousands of performers.

Now CBGB needs your help to keep its doors open

death and destruction

Watching the news these past few days has been one horrible picture after another. Tonight, seeing the people of New Orleans struggle, has brought something that's beyond words. At times like this I wish I was rich and could donate all my money or even a few hundred dollars to all those people in need. It's devistating to watch and not be able to do anything.

A director I've worked with a few times died unexpectedly yesterday. My deepest thoughts and prayers go out to Monica and their two young children.

new dress

Well, after buying my fabulous dress on Saturday, I got a note from Amy saying she had changed her colors. I'm absolutely fine with that, but I LOVED my dress... and it's not available in black. So I ended up getting the dress I originally went to David's Bridal for... like it a whole bunch, but loved the old one.

I'm working almost every day to save money for Vegas and I still have to go shopping for shoes and for fun party clothes. This flippin' city had better be worth it. ;)

long day

After a very long day of shopping, I finally bought my bridesmaid dress and shoes. I'm very happy with it! :) Unfortunately, I started having an asthma attack somewhere in Great Northern Mall and it hasn't subsided yet. I'm not wheezing anymore, but I'm tired and light-headed. I want to lay down, but don't know if that's a good idea?

On another note, I love this show: Whad'Ya Know?. I'm sad that while I'm on my way back from Vegas, the show will be in Cleveland.

finally friday

Let me know if you don't get any of these... I can explain.

You Know You're From New York City When...

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Wisconsin on a map. Hookers and the homeless are invisible. The subway makes sense. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual. You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple". The most frequently used part of your car is the horn. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard. You consider Westchester "upstate". You think Central Park is "nature." You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking. You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it?s a "steal." You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid. You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed. Your closet is filled with black clothes. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. You take fashion seriously. Being truly alone makes you nervous. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip." America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you. You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise. Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes. $50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories. You don't notice sirens anymore. You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you. You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills. You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price. Your door has more than three locks. Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression. You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license. You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available. You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent. There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown. When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels. You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas. You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect. You know what a bodega is. You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet..... You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from NYC.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

I'm so glad it's finally Friday. :) Today I had a job interview... went very well. Even if I don't get a job out of it, I now have an acting agent.

I don't think I say enough how much I love my dog. She doesn't have to do anything. I just get happy looking at her. Maybe it's the fact that her tail never stops wagging.

colds suck

I'm just back from my parent's house in Mentor. I don't go out there normally, but my brother was in from Florida with his new baby and his step-son, Gavin. Brooklyn (the baby) is nine months and the cutest thing I've ever laid eyes on. I swear this baby doesn't cry. She gets fussy every once and a while and then gets what she wants, but there is no tantrums or anything. She's a sweetheart. Gavin is 4 and loves his sister, but wants attention himself. Thankfully, there were 5 adults there tonight, so he had plenty of people to play with. :)

I'm sick as a dog so I'm heading to bed early tonight. With the help of Tylenol Cold PM, of course. I could never function without my cold medicine.

jamie bulger

When I first read this story, my heart sank. After finding out that it's all true, I feel sick to my stomach.

Wikipedia: James Bulger .. details of the crime, punishment and release

Justice? This is Bloody Insanity! .. a commentary

what do you see?

A friend told me today that I see the world through rose-colored glasses. I've been thinking a lot about that, and he's right. I always try to see the best in people, in situations, in life. But the thing is, I can still see; I'm not as naive as I used to be. I know there are people out there that like to take advantage of others, but I'm willing to give them the benefit of doubt. I'm very much like my mother in this respect. If you are my friend, I will give you the shirt off my back time and again, but there is a tipping point. I'm not blind, not stupid... and if that point comes, I'm done. I won't be used. I don't have many get out of jail free cards and it takes a lot to earn one. ;)

phew!

At last, the long weekend is over. Went to see Into the Woods at Cassidy on Friday with some friends. Always fun.

Shopping on Saturday with Cheryl. As a shopoholic, I'm quite proud that I didn't buy one thing. Might be a first. Well, I did pay $12 for a buffet at an Indian restaurant, but I don't like Indian food, so I don't consider that an indulgence. ;)

Sunday was the bridal shower for my brother's fiancee Amy. Even with the 4-1/2 hours there and back in the car with Mom, I had a great time. Finally got to meet Amy's mom and her best friends/fellow bridesmaids. I can't believe the wedding is 3 weeks away! Looking forward more and more to Vegas each and every day...

hmm

Remember when you were a kid and your mom or dad would yell at you or slap you? There were times when you knew exactly what you did wrong, knew you deserved it. But sometimes you didn't have a clue as to what was going on. My parents reaction? Well, I'm sure there's something you're going to do or did that I don't know about.

I feel like the universe is slapping me in the face right now. I'm still reeling and trying to get my bearings when it hits the other cheek. I'm bewildered. I know it's dramatic to compare myself with the biblical figure of Job, but is there a reason behind all of this, or is God just testing me? Both?

penguins

I don't really believe in reincarnation, BUT if it exists... I want to come back as a penguin.

Or my dog. ;)

negative

A person who I considered a friend of mine has been talking trash about me. I'm not going to say much about it, but the people who know me know the truth. Just because you want your life to have more drama in it does not mean that you can try to pull me into your web, you little black widow spider.

i love saturdays

I think Saturday is my favorite day of the week. No alarm, no pressure, all relaxation. I've caught up on a little reading, had some quality time with the pooch. Good day.

Last night's party at Kevin's was fun. I spent the whole night on his patio because of the kitty cat and had some great conversations. Going to see the closing performance of Jane Eyre tonight at Mercury and the closing of Songs for a New World tomorrow night at Cain Park. I love not being in shows so I can go see all my friends.

karaoke night

I'm just home from karaoke... I'm not getting paid to host yet, but I still had a great time. The 5-1/2 hours fly by when I'm with friends. :) I actually set everything up and tore it down tonight pretty well (with help, of course).

The crazy thing is, I got asked out on a date. I've never quite understood it - nor do I really care to - but I never get asked out. This guy has been coming to Cronies karaoke for about a month. He's in town taking care of his mother while she goes through chemo, then back to the Broadway cast of Rent. Seems like a nice guy, but I tend not to have good taste in men. We shall see... ;)

christian bale

I'm in the middle of watching The Machinist right now. How is it that Christian Bale can weigh a mere 120 pounds and still be sexy? Amazing.

good day

A very good day. First thing this morning, I got cast as Mrs. Potts in the Christmas show at the Beck (big yay!). Work was the same old stuff. After work, I was off to the hospital to see Raul and Carmen. The kidney transplant was a complete success. The doctors said Raul's new kidney (nicknamed Lolita by Carmen and Sarah) started working immediately. True to form, Raul and Carmen's first thoughts were each for the other person. :) Glad to say they are both resting and thanks to the drugs, resting comfortably. It's always good to have a day when you cry tears of joy and release time and again. This has definitely been one of those days.

mercury benefit

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many acquaintances. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

I'm just home from the Mercury benefit at STAR tonight. Such a good time. It was great to see so many friends come out and support a theater that needs it more than anyone else does right now. Great to see everyone laughing and smiling, considering Brian's condition that has been on our minds all week.

Before that was another round of callbacks for Beauty and the Beast at the Beck Center. I really hate auditions, I hate callbacks. I had fun watching everyone else, but I never know if I'm making the right choices, etc... Casting is so random and a director can cast you or not for the most minute reason. I know it's not up to me at this point, but I hate the waiting.

Tomorrow is not going to be fun. My cousin's husband is having a kidney transplant tomorrow, so most of the day after work I will be at the hospital with her and my mom. Please keep Sarah (my cousin), Raul (the recipient) and his sister (the donor) Carmen in your prayers. It will be a hard day for all of them.

that sound you hear is pig wings flapping away

Rosie Ready for "Fiddler" - Yahoo! News

I'm feeling a little sorry for my friend Hannah DelMonte who just made her Broadway debut in Fiddler. Little did she know... ;)

marilyn

Ex-Prosecutor: Monroe Wasn't Suicidal - MSN

catching up

I guess it's been a while since I've written in this durn thing, but I've had a few curveballs thrown at me this week. Nothing horrible, just interesting.

I spent all of Sunday at work (ew) and then with my mom. Bless her heart. :) She already bought me tickets to Vegas for my birthday, but she insisted on taking me shopping. Let's just say that I really, really hate shopping. I like to know what I want, go to the store, get it and leave. But I want to make my mom happy, so... off we go. It was nice to spend some time with her. She only lives in Mentor, but I don't get to see her very often.

Monday was jam-packed... worked all day and then went to Mercury to work on the tree some more. If I never see a hot glue gun and chicken wire again, I will be a happy girl. ;) Tuesday I got free tickets to go see West Side Story at Porthouse so my brother and I made the long trek. Oy. Not so much a fan of that production, but there were LOTS of friends in the audience and in the show, so we made our own fun. I think that people should start videotaping shows with people's comments (think MST3K) because there were some crazy ones for that show. Thank goodness my friend Kristen Netzband thinks I'm funny and laughed at me through the whole god-forsaken show. ;)

SO. Wednesday, my birthday. I don't have a lot to say about this day except that I didn't spend a thin dime at Cronies and I think I had about 15 Jack & Cokes and 10 random shots. That might even be low-balling it. Big thanks go out to my brother for being my DD. I was a ME-EE-ESS. That's a 3-syllable mess, folks. Pretty bad.

Thursday was all about recovery. Wow. I woke up around 2 pm and finally felt okay to stand without throwing up around 6:30. Unfortunately, I had tickets to the Indians/Yankees game that night, so I had to move eventually. I got to the game 45 minutes late, but watched my Yanks pull out a good one. Kids, they don't call 'em the Bronx Bombers for nothin'.

Friday. Work. Mercury. Beck to pick up my brother. Saturday. Work from 3:30 to 11:30. I can honestly say, I will NEVER work a Saturday night in that restaurant again. I made $120 (not great, not bad), but it wasn't worth the headache. The night actually flew by until around 10. See, Waterstreet has Salsa night every Saturday. Everyone I tell about it usually says, "Oh, I've heard of that," or "Oh, I've been to that." Sure. Whatever. My only problem was my last table was a 10-top that were basically there to avoid the $5 Salsa cover charge that starts at 11. So they drank water and 4 people ate. Brilliant. I bust my butt for no tips and snide comments. I used to be mild, but I am no longer the type of server that takes shit. This table was trying their best, but I'm a real class-A bitch of a server when I want to be and I was DONE with them.

I was finally free to head to Cheryl's house for her little gathering. There weren't a lot of people there, but we had a great time. Alcohol was limited, so I didn't really drink. It was fun to watch the underagers drink and pass out though. ;) Today went to see Aida for a second time (this time, I liked the show... cried and everything) then for a party at Mark's.

I've had a few comments on life this week that I wanted to add in here, but it's already too long... There we end it.

Ooh. I felt obligated to put a picture of the love of my life up there since I haven't been home in 32 hours. :) My little deaf puppy.

another blogthing

I only did this to avoid cleaning my apartment.

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

wow

If I had planned a crazy weekend for my life, I don't think I could have dreamed this one up. Friday started out very normal, very good. I worked at the restaurant and then went to Mercury to help build a tree that is the centerpiece for their upcoming show, Jane Eyre. Let's just say that sculpting chicken wire around 18' planks of wood and then coating muslin in a glue-water mixture wasn't really my idea of a good time. Of course, it was Mercury and I had a blast. Always do there.

I fled the tree and came home to get ready to go out with the Aida folks to the Midnight Martini Show. I've seen the show many, many times, but it's always different with each group. My friend Laurel was the guest vocalist, so it made the show that much better for me. Of course, my stomach was in knots the whole time in anticipation of what I had promised I would do -- I was finally going to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for a while. I'm not the smoothest operator, but with a little prodding by Laurel, all went well. :)

Today. Well. I woke up late (wonderful) and went to the restaurant to talk with Elizabeth about my potential new job. In a couple of weeks, I'll be returning to the corporate world. :) In Akron. :( I'll make do... We discussed details of that, discussed her love life, my lack thereof. The standards with me and Elizabeth. As I was leaving, I got a call from my Mercury friend Molly. A mutual friend of ours has been feeling sick for a while and after a week of doctors, has finally been diagnosed with Leukemia. This has set my whole weekend into a tailspin. I'm sure that he will pull through with flying colors, but it's just such a blow. I can't help wanting to be with him and trying to make him forget what he's going through.

Because of this news, my planned crazy weekend has turned into a staying home crazy weekend. Baby, you're on my mind, in my thoughts and prayers. I love you.

12 inches lighter

I'm actually amazed I didn't chicken out. Today was the first time washing my lack of hair... very odd.

Callback for Beauty and the Beast at the Beck last night... it went well. I can never tell anything though. I'm way to hard on myself, but I think it could have gone much better for me. My reading was crappy. :) Tra la la.

I hung out at my mom's house most of the day today. In 95 degree weather, no air conditioning is a big deal.

new start

Today I'm cutting most of my hair off to donate it to Locks of Love. I think it's been about 10 years since I've had such a drastic cut. This has got me to thinking about my life: about choices I've made; where I am and how I got here. So today, I'm making a fresh start. I know that no one is perfect and therefore no one's choices can be, but I'm going to try and make better choices and hopefully be a better person. Oh yes... with a better haircut. Life just has to get better, right?

too much alcohol

You Are 20% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

I really would have thought I'm more weird than that. Whatever.

I've had a pretty busy week: work every day, show every night. Cast parties three nights in a row. Oy. I ended up going to an audition on Saturday (my day to sleep in...) but all was good because I ran into the guy I'm crushing on. ;)

Last night's show was good. Very odd though. The girl who played the Zebra had to miss for a wedding, so we had a replacement. She did very, very well, but it was a different dynamic for me not having Molly there. Because the Zebra and Giraffe do everything in the show together, I think it probably affected me more than anyone. But Kristen did very well. :) She's such a hard worker to cram all this learning into a week when the rest of the cast had three.

Ended up leaving last night's cast party (the infamous one at Cindi Verbelun's) to meet up with my friend Cheryl. This doesn't happen often, but last night something was in the air. We were hit on left and right. I know there are girls out there that go to bars exclusively to meet guys, but I just go to talk to the people I'm with. After finding out that there was no possibility of getting laid, the guys hitting on us reacted in different ways. Two of them stayed and talked to us... one even walked us partly back to our cars (partly because we didn't want him walking with us in the first place). One guy started ranting and raving about how we weren't worth his time and we were white trash pieces of shit. That really made me laugh. What gets me is that guys think that girls are going to take that kind of talk. Well, the New Yorker in me came out full force. No way am I going to take that! By the end, his friends were all apologizing for him and calling him a loser. Whatever.

So today is officially my day of rest. Sure. Except that there's an early birthday party for me and a couple other Mercury people tonight at the Masterson's house. More food, more alcohol. Wow. This is my life.

in mourning

James ‘Scotty’ Doohan dies at age 85 - MSNBC.com

Rest in peace, Scotty

harry potter

I finished the book last night at about 2 in the morning. I'm tired as hell today, but couldn't go to bed without finishing it. Loved the book, but I'm not happy. If/when you read it, you'll understand.

big weekend

It's the weekend I've been waiting for... Charlie and the Chocolate Factory opened and the new Harry Potter book is out!

I saw the movie at midnight on Thursday. Can I just say, "Fabulous." Johnny Depp and Tim Burton never fail to make a great picture. Being a fan of the book, I loved it's twisted nature. But, I have a few reservations. I see why they would have put a back-story in for Willy Wonka, but I don't think it was completely necessary. I thought it explained Willy so much more -- a chocolatier who wasn't allowed to eat chocolate and never really having a childhood now obsessed with chocolate and not knowing how to relate to children. Got it. But I really didn't like the extended ending. Rather that just take the glass elevator and get the whole family, there had to be more conflict. Um, okay. See where you were going but I would have preferred the original ending. All that said, absolutely adored it. Loved Johnny Depp's character, loved the movie and laughed a lot.

I'm only on the fourth chapter of Harry Potter, so that one will have to wait. At least I have it. :)

Last night's opening of Just So went really well. Everyone seemed to be on their game and the audience enjoyed it. Unfortunately, our lead actress sprained her ankle last night, so we're not really sure where it leaves us for tonight's show. As my friend Cheryl would say, "eep."

being needed

I'm watching the DVD of Bewitched right now (don't ask... I have a pirate connection) and studying my lines for Just So (which previews tonight... eek!). It's really interesting. In both of these, a man tells a woman that he needs her and all of her anger and questioning just melt away. Is it really true that all we want is to be needed? When someone says "I can't live without you?", shouldn't that be the ideal we all strive for? I've never had that kind of relationship. We all think that we can't live without someone, but we can. But when elderly couples die within a few days, weeks or months of each other is just beautiful. They really did need each other and couldn't live alone. Beautiful.

my fair lady sweeps the cassidy awards!

The Beehive girls performed at the Cassidy Awards show tonight (Pic to right-SO good to see you all. Miss you to pieces). Alas, none of my friends from Godspell won because, as Keli put it, My Fair Lady was the latest show and the old people couldn't remember beyond that. Thankfully there was an open bar and so many good friends. We all had a wonderful time.

I went to the zoo with Cheryl today. Okay, so the zoo is only $9. I don't know why I haven't gone every month of my life in Cleveland. We had a wonderful time. We didn't get to see 2 exhibits because of my time constraints, but we're determined to go again. Not surprisingly, the little irish girl in me is burnt to a crisp. My sunburn is just now starting to hurt and I can't imagine what it's going to be like tomorrow in the shower.

Rehearsal tomorrow for Just So from 1-7. I'm not sure what I'm doing after that yet. If I feel up to it, I might crash the Aida tech rehearsal. Might just come home and chill.

brainwashing 101

Oh, Katie, Katie, Katie. I have to say that I completely understand being so in love that you lose yourself. It happens to the best of us. But to have a representative of your fiancee's religion in an interview with you to tell you what to say? Come on. That's just stupid.

the article

good for you

New York Times reporter Judy Miller was sent to jail on Wednesday for not revealing her source. I say good for her.

ABC News Story

if she were fine she wouldn't get a gin enema

Once again, from the best website ever, Overheard in New York:

Girl #1: Has anyone heard from Megan lately?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: I mean her away message for three days has been, "Break out the turkey basters and gin buckets!"
Girl #3: I'm sure she's fine.

--Staten Island Ferry

busy

I have a very long week ahead of me: work every day, rehearsal every night. I get to sleep in on Saturday and Sunday, so that's a bonus. Patron party at the Cassidy Theatre Saturday night with open bar and free food, so the sleeping in on Sunday will definitely help.

I would like to give a shout out to my little Queequeg, Cheryl, for being a wonderful psychoanalyst. Cheryl, I don't know what he's thinking either. (See? I didn't spend too much time on my blog like I said I would...)

end of the dick

Moby Dick closed today. I really want to thank all the cast members for making this such a drama-free show. Everyone got along so well and we all made each other laugh time and again. Here are a few things I will especially miss:

1. "Ladies and gentlemen, Hannah is going to Yale."


2. Singing "Light your bootay" with Cheryl every night.


3. Santa Dave coming backstage with the megaphone screaming that we only had one hour until the audience arrives.


4. Seeing Phil in his underwear everytime I turned around... although I'm sure there is more of that to come in Just So ;)


5. Putting the underwear on Mike's face every night and watching Cheryl tie him up so wonderfully.


6. Calling up to the Condo girls.


7. Doing the Moby Dick cheer: When I say Moby you say Dick, Moby (Penis!).


8. Hearing Kevin declare what a mess he is. (No, honey. You're perfect.)


9. Crotch chopping Paul and having Paul crotch chop me. We never broke each other, Paulie!


10. Kristen constantly making me laugh as Stubb

Most of all, I will miss each and every one of your smiling faces. Thank you so much for making this show something I will never forget. Holla.

doll

So I had a all of two beers at the Rush tonight, but I don't think that completely explains why I just spent 1/2 hour creating a "me" doll on this website. That aside, this is my little creation. And, yes, I would wear this outfit time and again. Give it a go on your own: eLouai's Candybar Doll Maker. Good waste of time.

Speaking of a good waste of time, I found a new website, Double Agent, with a must-read article: 50 things girls want guys to know.

And here's a little song for you.

Hello, boys and girls.
This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats.
This is a song about a whale. No!
This is a song about being happy!
That's right!
It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough!
That's right! I'll teach you to be happy!
I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs!
Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

If you ain't the grandaddy of all liars!
The little critters of nature... They don't know that they're ugly!
That's very funny, a fly marrying a bumblebee!
I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me!
Why didn't you believe me?!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

fate

When I first started this website, it was under the domain fateiskind.com. ... the "fate is kind" as a reference to When You Wish Upon a Star. I've since lost the domain (obviously) and I think I'm losing my faith in fate. Is it possible that all actions are previously determained and we're simply following a pre-ordained path? Are there many paths and each has it's own outcome? I'm starting to think there's nothing in it at all.

I grew up in the church. Although now I think organized religion is a bunch of crap, I still would like to believe in a higher being. It's comforting to think that somewhere out there, a deity is watching over me and directing my course. I still talk to God... not on a regular basis, but more like "What the f@$*, God?" But is it possible that He's directing me through my course -- introducing me to so many people along the way. It's true that people change you along the way, for better or worse. With so many "choices" in life, why am I the person I am today?

On another note, cigarette prices went up 75 cents a pack today. Looks like I might have to stop smoking. Again.

it's a choice

I've never been a big Tom Cruise fan, but recently he's just out of control... Read this story.

In other news... I miss New York. From Overheard in New York. The best website EVER:

Respect a Man When You're in His Quasi-home
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That's right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you're fucking up my rap!

--57th Street station

another closing, another show

I'm really going to miss Moby Dick. I've met some amazingly talented people. Whenever a show is over, people say "let's keep in touch," but it's hard to do. We all move on.

On another note, I've just been cast in Mercury Summer Stock's production of 'Just So.' (Guess I can't complain about being bored anymore.) We started rehearsals yesterday and they're going well... I'm exhausted, but loving it. We run July 15-16 and 19-23 Tuesday and Thursday at 8 pm, all other shows at 7:30. Check out their website: Mercury Summer Stock.

smile

It used to happen to me more often in NYC. I would be walking down the street, and some random guy would say, "Smile! Life ain't that bad when you're so pretty." Okay. A. You have no idea. B. If I were to walk down the street with a huge grin on my face, I think people would be worried.

I was walking my dog today and there was no one else around. Minding my own business, singing a song in my head and there it was again. A guy riding by on his bike insisting I should smile. If I couldn't, he could put a smile on my face for me. Oh gee, thanks. What a unique offer. Never heard that one before. At least I didn't until NYC. ;)

bored

For the first time in at least a year, I'm not rehearsing for a show. Once Moby closes, I don't have anything booked. My brother Mark is getting married in Vegas in September and his wedding reception is early in October, so that's taken me out of contention for a few things. I'm in the wedding party, so I can't bail... I'm in final callbacks for show that starts rehearsal in August and closes before the reception, but nothing is guaranteed. I'm bored. I thought time off would be a good thing, but I've spent night after night sitting on my ass. At least my laundry is caught up. Once Moby closes, I might just lose my mind.

oh, the thinks you can think

The mind does weird things to a person. Mine won't leave me alone lately. When I'm awake, the stupid ideas pop into my head: "Hey, that seems like a reasonable idea..." When I'm asleep it attacks me in my dreams. Just when you think you're lying down for a nice rest, Bam! There come the same ideas this time. Only they're in pretty pictures that don't make any sense. Sometimes, my dreams are so real that I wake up feeling happy and content with life. A few minutes later reality sets back in.

Is this because I won't forgive myself for my past actions, or it is my psyche telling me that more needs to be done? I don't know what else I can do to clear my conscience.

I'm starting to believe that I'm regressing. When I was around 22, I did some stupid, stupid things. Things that people closest to me don't even know about. When I look back at my actions in the past few months, I see those patterns returning. What in the hell was I thinking? Did I think that I could get away with these things and my karma was going to be clean? Granted, most things I didn't do. I started to and caught myself. Still, I wonder about myself and my mental state.

Yes, I'm still a good person. No, I haven't done anything as bad as when I was 22. No, I'm not crazy. Everyone goes through this, right?

I want to have a dream come true without sacrificing myself in the process.

who's your daddy?

Well, according to Blogthings:

Your Daddy Is Darth Vader

What You Call Him: Big Daddy Why You Love Him: He's the Mack Daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

Sure. Okay, it's Father's Day. For most people it's a time to send a card, make a phone call, or even give someone a tie. For me, it's a day to reflect upon something I've never had. I know that sounds cruel, but my father left when I was 5 (believe me, it was for the best - long story) and would be in and out of my life until I was 18. On my 18th birthday, I didn't get a card. Instead, I got a court-filed document that said he didn't have to pay my mom child support anymore. I was mad. How dare he hurt me because he thought my mother had hurt him?

I have blocked out my childhood until I was 10 years old. People tell me things that I said or did, and I just don't remember. I have elements here and there, the color of my bedroom, playing barbies and our family pet. Anything having to do with my family life is just gone. We continued to go to the same church as my dad until we moved away when I was 9. As the story goes, I would ask my mom every Sunday, "Will Daddy talk to me today?" I'm 31 and still asking the same question.

He knows where I am, knows my cell phone number, my email address. What I get are the jokes he sends out to his friends. I've tried contact with him over the years. I even met him in Columbus once for lunch, but I know I will never have a relationship with him. His wife yells at any of us who contact him about how we've been bad children to him. No. I'm sorry. He was the adult. I was a child. I may be an adult now, but I'm still just a little girl who needs her daddy.

I have tried time and again to find out why my relationships don't work. Sometimes it's not me... mostly I think it is. Last year at this time I started dating someone and I was the luckiest girl in the world. I fell in love for the first time in years and let myself go. I was a better person when I was with him. But I screwed up. I kept thinking that I should push him away before he had the chance to push me away... as had happened so many times before. When I finally realized what I had done, it was too late. He can't forgive me for that, and I can't forgive myself for breaking his heart. But I think about him every day and hope that he's happy.

As for me, I've been alone for a while now, and I'm learning to like it. The self-punishing side of myself says that at least I'm not hurting anyone else. The rest of me just feels lonely.

linguistics

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Yankee

5% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Very interesting. As a midwesterner, a little scary. When I went to college, I worked VERY hard to get rid of my Ohio accent. I guess it worked... somewhat. Click on the link above to try it yourself.

is alcohol really my friend?

I'm having one of those I'll-never-drink-again days. We all say it, but no one really means it. It always seems like a good idea when you're at the bar, enjoying a few beers, to throw some happy shots in there. Well, not so much.

Moby Dick's opening went really well. We had great audiences on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Sunday's house was all of 25 people. I really hate Sunday matinees and having a small house like that makes it worse. The reviews have started to pour out. So far, all good. The Scene was not great... I can't remember the last time Christine Howey gave a raving praise to any show. I understand that critics are just stating their opinion, but she has a tendency to bite.

She was on NPR's Around Noon last week and she stated that she never tries to hurt, but she is trying to put a fun spin on the review. Really? Is that what you're telling yourself? When I did Discordia at CPT, she referred to my friend Perren as (this is from memory.... not at all verbatim) botox faced. And that if you heard the faint sound of sucking, it was him acting. Now, how is that supposed to be fun? I know Discordia had it's problems, but she had to personally attack rather than review.

I think that the movie Finding Neverland puts it in perspective very well. Frohman tells Barrie that the critics made it important, but it's called a play.

Wow. I didn't mean to rant on about that... I know there is the school of thought that says no review is to be believed. If you believe the good ones, you believe the bad ones. Very true. However, if a show has a bad review, driving the audience to see it is going to be quite a task. Moby Dick is not high brow theater. It's a fun way to spend a couple of hours. Nothing more, nothing less.

run down

I'm beyond tired right now. Tech Sunday is always exhausting, I was expecting that. It actually went fast yesterday and I was home after only 9-1/2 hours at the Beck. Today was killer.

I always get to work at least 15 minutes early - today I was 25 minutes early. I clocked in and started my kitchen set up... After only 5 minutes, I got slammed with 3 tables and it didn't stop until I was able to walk out at 4. I was exhausted. Don't people cook out on Memorial Day anymore? When did that change? I thought that downtown would be dead, but instead I had over $650 in sales... good news is I walked with $140. Pretty much unheard of for a Monday lunch.

Then comes the Beck. I got there at 6:30 (again, 1/2 hour early). We didn't start our run-through until 8 or so. Just before Ahab's death, the director (being the fabulous understanding person he is) let us go at 11:30. I just keep thinking that I should go to bed, but I know myself too well. Probably around 2 I'll mosey into the bedroom.

Yes, I understand that this is a completely meaningless post and no one really cares. Point taken.

music

"A verbal art like poetry is reflective. It stops to think. Music is immediate, it goes on to become." - W.H. Auden

Whenever I feel like my mind needs a reset button, I sit down and play piano. I'm not the most brilliant pianist in the world, but I love to play. There's something so relaxing about just losing yourself in the notes. When I was a kid, I hated practicing. My mom would force me to sit for the 1/2 hour a day that my piano teacher insisted on. It wasn't until college that I fell in love with my piano. There were times I would lock myself in the music department overnight and just play. I'd play anything. Of course, being a piano minor made the 1/2 hour a day rehearsal time as a kid feel like the blink of an eye. If I wasn't rehearsing for a show, 4 hours was my minimum per night.

I'm not as good as I used to be, but I still love it. Not that it's easy having a Dalmatian sitting on my feet as I try to peddle, but I make do. The good thing is my brother and I both have our own pianos at our house. Wonderful Clavinovas with very very good headphones so we don't have to fight over whose mind needs the reset more.

procrastination

I am such a procrastinator. Today I'm sitting at my computer when I should be doing errands, laundry and studying my lines for Moby Dick... which opens in a week and a half. Instead, I keep looking at my indoor/outdoor thermometer. It says it's 53 outside, but looking out the window it looks colder. Rainy. Hello, Cleveland? What the f#@*?

At least I put my socks on in the past half hour. Maybe I'll put my shoes on soon. Then I'll work my way up to getting my keys.

I gave away my shift at work today. Many reasons: I don't like working on Tuesdays because the Manager is an annoying 21-year old who acts like he's five (last week, he actually gave me my tip-out by hitting me in the face with my money. Nice.), I wanted to go out and get crazy last night (check. but I left the bar with more money than I came there with. I love gambling) and the third reason, I won't go into. It's a little spiteful. ;)

I need money, I admit it. Probably should be at work today. But I worked all day Sunday followed by rehearsal Sunday night. I have rehearsal every night this week and work every day. I just wanted a half-second for myself.

So I'm selfish and a procrastinator. Oh well. I guess it could be worse.

my list

I will never understand my attraction to certain men. Ever since I was a kid, I always liked the ones that no one else did. I had amazing childhood crushes on Dick Van Dyke (I know, I know) and Paul Newman. My latest fascination is with Hugh Laurie (http://www.hughlaurie.co.uk/). I can't explain it.

Since my friend Elizabeth and I talk about "our lists" often, I decided to post my here for our own amusement. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's the list of celebrities you would do without a moment's hesitation.

Okay. So in no particular order*:

Johnny Depp (isn't he on everyones?)
Orlando Bloom
Edward Norton
Christopher Guest
John Cusack
Billy Crudup
Michael Palin (after all these years. yes, still)
Chris Cornell
Bruce Campbell
Ewan McGregor Trey Parker. Because I've been listening to the Cannibal: The Musical commentary

*this list is subject to change based on my mood that day. ;)

ultimatum

I'm wearied of wearing love, my friend
Of worry and strain and doubt,
Before we begin, let us view the end,
And maybe I'll do without.

There's never the pang that was worth the tear,
And toss in the night I won't --
So either you do or you don't, my dear,
Either you do or you don't!

The table is ready, so lay your cards
And if they should augur pain,
I'll tender you ever my kind regards
And run for the fastest train.

I haven't the will to be spent or sad;
My heart's to be gay and true --
Then either you don't or you do, my lad.
Either you don't or you do!

DOROTHY PARKER

those people

Why are there those sort of people? You know, the people who work themselves into your life and take it over when you're not looking. There are two things that bother me here: 1. I don't want anyone to take over my life. I don't think anyone really does (well, there are the weak-willed saps, but that's another topic). 2. I don't like these people. I'm not attracted to these people. Honestly, I don't want to have anything to do with them. When does the time come when you can stop them and say "leave me alone?"

Ah, but it gets tricky. These people want into your life so badly, that they will do things for you that your closest friends won't even think of. They insist on calling, taking you out, making it about you. Okay, that feels nice. But at the same time, ...eh. Don't know. I think the problem comes when you want to free yourself from them, but they show up where you are or do the pop-in (ew) and you're too nice to say that you don't want it anymore. They care about you so much (in their own twisted way) that you don't want to be the bad guy. How long can you possibly let this go on?

are we talking metaphorically here?

I was trying to decide whether to make this a heady post or not. I thought I should just go ahead and get it out of the way...

There are times in a person's life, where you have to sit back and say, "huh? how the hell did I get here?" Well, I'm going through one of those times. When I was younger, I thought that by the time I was 30, I would be completely settled down -- husband, kids, dog -- all the good stuff. So I'm 31. I have a dog. It's not that I'm unhappy with my life, but I occasionally stop and wonder what it would have been like if didn't move to New York, but had married my college sweetheart.

I would still be living in West Virginia. Couple of kids, house, dog, husband. But I wouldn't be me. I know this isn't some amazing revelation, but I'm a completely different person than I was 10 years ago at this time. (God. It's been 10 years since I moved to New York.) I'm happy with me and what I'm doing. As for where I'm going? I have no idea.

first post!

I'm now no longer a blog virgin.